Always on my Mind
by xxxKaixxx
Summary: Okita has changed ever since they found out about his illness and seems quieter than before. As a result, Hijikata gets lonely and ends up taking more initiative. However, things will not go as smoothly as he wishes.
1. Chapter 1

**Always on my Mind**

Disclaimer: Characters from Peacemaker Kurogane by Nanae Chrono.

This is somewhat different/beyond from the main storyline and it is more of a post PMK kind of story. I actually wrote this as a sequel to my other fic "Pushing him away" so maybe it would be better if you read that first.

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><p>Chapter One<p>

The crickets buzzed on like a metronome as the sun scotched relentlessly upon the quarters. The heat had gotten to them and everyone lost their drive to move a muscle, let alone hone their skills.

_It must be the hottest summer in the past few years, _ thought the stoic man as he contained his discomfort within, not allowing his subordinates to spot the slightest weakness in him. His pride didn't let him. At that, he noticed that a plate of mochi had been left just outside the slightly opened paper doors. It was times like this he had wished that the younger, lively man was around. He felt his heart clench as he recalled.

It had been a year since the talented swordfighter had collapsed upon flooding the floor with blood. It didn't take long before the entire company found out that he had contracted tuberculosis. Ever since that episode, he hadn't seen much of Okita. _Well, that's to be expected as you would expect the sick to stay in and rest._

Hijikata had also noticed a change in the previously bubbly and, to his horror at times, overbearingly noisy prodigy. He no longer spoke that much. _It could be due to the fact that it would be a burden on his lungs. Of course, his silent smile now is still breath-taking, and it is a lot kinder to my ears and sanity this way, but..._ Despite knowing this very well, this Vice-commander couldn't help but long to hear his voice and feel his presence.

_Ah, my favourite mochi... He could have at least called out to me when he left it there. _Lately, even when he came over to leave little treats, Okita no longer came in to bother Hijikata anymore. It should have been a good thing if it hadn't left him feeling so empty. Hijikata had often found comfort in smacking the younger man's head and scolding him for disturbing his work or bugging him to go out when they had lots of training to do. It had long integrated into his daily routine.

Trying to stop himself from thinking about such useless stuff, HIjikata busied himself with the endless reports to write with the sweltering heat as his only company. Before he knew it, he had given in to the drone of summer and slipped into the other realm of reality.

When he had next opened his eyes, it was already dark. Still groggy from the nap but still aware of his surroundings, he was aware that there was someone else in his room. A sweet, familiar scent, which he could recognise from anywhere, filled the room. A pair of slender arms wrapped around his waist and a chin gently rest on his shoulders from behind.

"Hey, you came... I was just thinking abo-" Hijikata started as he turned slightly to face the owner of the scent, but felt embarrassed to confess his loneliness. However, he didn't need to complete his sentence for the other to understand. Hijikata saw a smile forming on his face at the corner of his eye. His supple lips curving upwards ever so gently. This set of lips then lightly met his own. When their lips had parted, Hijikata gave a sigh and shifted such that the other was now sitting upon his lap. Hijikata gazed into his eyes intensely. Taking a breath, he said softly.

"I've missed you..."

He was replied with yet another soft smile and was drawn into a tight embrace, as if to say _Yeah, me too..._

It had been like this since the beginning. They had taken too long to acknowledge each other feelings. No. _He_ had taken too long to acknowledge his feelings. He had taken the younger man's enthusiasm and initiative for granted. Taken his confessions as a joke and ignored his advances. He indulged in the other's attention and patience for many years since but now, there was no time to lose. He couldn't let things end just like that without letting the other know that he, too, felt this intense longing.

That said, they hadn't advanced much from there in terms of physical interaction. He had been mindful of Okita's weak body and tried not to do anything that would aggravate his situation any further. Just being locked in embrace was good enough. Or so he would like to think. But Hijikata knew, that as much as he wouldn't make any advances, he wouldn't be able to resist if Okita made the move. _Damn! That body of his just overflows with pheromones!_

And that he did. Hijikata held his breath as the shorter man got up from his lap and knelt, sniffing his neck and progressed down to his collarbone, sneaking a few kisses here and there. _Shit, I won't be able to hold back if he goes any further..._

But as hands slipped under his yukata, all logic and reasoning was lost. Within seconds, Hijikata was looming above the small, frail body with a starving, wild intent that was reflected in his eyes. Okita grinned slyly as if he had predicted this all along. It didn't take long for limbs to tangle and tongues to lock. It was no longer possible to tell apart the two bodies. Passion mixed with lust, sweat mixed with bodily fluids. Hijikata felt that this could only be a dream. In fact, he was amazed at all that among all that, he could even think. Yet, beyond that pleasure and satisfaction, Hijikata's heart was pained. knowing that this wouldn't last, _couldn't last_, was eating him inside.

_ God, I never want to let him go... Please don't take him away from me..._

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><p>Sorry for the very raw language and lack of careful planning as this was rushed out. I have a test tomorrow! What the hell am I doing here writing a fic?<p>

Anyway, thanks for reading! Will be getting the second chapter out soon.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

This chapter is dedicated to my friend Samanntha! Happy Birthday!

Disclaimer: Characters and original story from Peacemaker Kurogane by Nanae Chrono.

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><p>One would have been shocked had they seen the lovelorn look on the man commonly known as the demonic Vice-Commander. The previous night had been sensational. The feel of Okita's skin, the warmth of his body, the scent he loves so much. All these lingered as though he was still beside him.<p>

Okita never failed to raise his spirits and lighten his burdens. Though he had never admitted this. Maybe now that things had gotten to this, he should make an effort to do the same for the now bed-bound Okita. Being a child prodigy and a renown swordsman of excellent skills, not being out there in the battlefields must be torturous. At least, Hijikata knew he would be devastated and frustrated. He sighed at how depressing that must be and looked up at the skies, putting the last of his reports aside.

"Well, I suppose it has been a longtime since I took a walk down the streets." Hijikata thought aloud, but not mentioning his true intention.

Walking through the hustle and bustle of the streets, Hijikata felt a strong sense of nostalgia. There were children running along, playing tag, laughing at each other as they played childish games. Juxtaposed with that liveliness was a sense of virtuousness as the housewives lined the streets; the look of kindness and peace clearly reflected on their faces. Even after going through the warring periods, these people had not given up hope in life and pursued happiness by the mere strength of having their loved ones. Such were the innocence and hope that they, the Shinsengumi, had long lost. Hijikata gave a reminiscent smile at that. Long before they had risen up to their current positions, Kondo, Okita and himself had taken such strolls - mostly due to Okita's persistent requests. It was a common sight for Okita to be running from stall to stall, eyes lighting up in excitement from the variety of candies and toys. Hijikata remembered mentally slapping himself when he found himself wondering how a prodigy swordsman could be as cute and child-like as him.

Hijikata soon found himself next to the stall which Okita used to frequent when he was well. Though the younger man used to say that he was buying the candies for the neighbourhood kids, Hijikata knew very well that he hadn't grown out of those candies even at that age. Whenever he caught sight of Okita playing with the kids, going _takai, takai~_, he would feel a strange sense of split emotions. In that, he was glad that Okita could have fun and relax, unleashing the child in him, but he strongly suspected an underlying reason for Okita's interaction with those children.

Being born into a samurai family, Okita Souji trained at the _Tennen Rishin Ryu_ school at the age of nine and mastered all the techniques thereby attaining the _Menkyo Kaiden _scroll at the age of eighteen. With that kind of social status and training, it was only natural that his childhood was deprived of the fun and laughter most children at that age would have. Social expectations, restrictions, obligations. Those were the chains which bound that young child to his fate. Upon joining the Shinsengumi, Okita was further exposed to the slashing and killing of countless others, stripping him of his innocence and naivety. It was about a few years after that Hijikata noticed that Okita would give a pained smile when looking at children play, though he would skillfully hide it when he was chasing the kids around or giving them little treats. It was almost as though he found his lost childhood and innocence in those children. Whenever Hijikata thought about this, he would always feel somewhat guilty for getting Okita involved with the Shinsengumi. If he hadn't instigated Kondo to leave their town for the capital, Okita wouldn't have followed them and wouldn't be entwined in these bloody mess. Of course, he knew that one way or another the inevitable fate would find its way, but that didn't stop him from feeling responsible.

_Well, maybe that's why I let him have his way with me sometimes... make that all the time _(=.=) Hiikata just couldn't refuse the younger captain. Even if he had to, for the sake of pride in front of the other Shinsengumi members, his conscience wouldn't let him be at peace. It may take a few minutes, or as long as years, but Hijikata always let Okita have it his way. At first, it may have been just his guilty consciousness at work but over the years, he had came to be aware of the change in his feelings. It was by no means a linear process. He found that he no longer saw Okita as the cute younger swordsman who tagged along Kondo and himself. Okita had become the page whom he could trust and rely on, the outstanding Shinsengumi captain whom he never had to worry about on the battlefield, the friend whom he could confide in, the lover...

Hijikata shook his head. He wondered if he could really call themselves that. No doubt they have done it but Hijikata felt that he had never done enough for Okita. He had depended on the younger man's initiative and passion to get the flow going. Depended on his passion and open declaration of love for him. So much so, he had grown to take Okita for granted.

"Hmm, let's get him some of his favourite candies to cheer him up!" Hijikata announced to himself and picked up a packet of assorted colourful candies. "He should be honoured! This Hijikata-sama is out here getting him candies... well, it's not like I came out here with the purpose of cheering him up in mind... No! Of course not, it's just on the way..." The usually stoic Vice-Commander was displaying an interesting series of emotions and expressions; excitement, embarrassment and self-satisfaction.

Upon paying for his purchase, Hijikata proceeded back to their quarters with a wide grin on his face, anxious to see the reaction of the one the candies were for. Little did he know that behind a corner, he was under the watchful eye of another.

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><p>There! Chapter 2's done! I wonder if anyone will even read it.. D:<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

With light-hearted spirits, Hijikata strolled to Okita's room. Not wanting to appear clingy, Hijikata paused outside the room trying to come up with an excuse for his visit. This seemed to be quite a troublesome task as Okita was not out of action and neither did Hijikata want to hurt his feelings by saying that he was worried about the captain's health, nor did he want to be too honest about his feelings. As a result, he took almost ten whole minutes pacing outside the room, mumbling to himself and shaking off weird ideas before he finally knocked on the door and entered. After that much thinking, one would have thought the great Vice-Commander would have crafted an excellent excuse. Alas, it turned out to be a cheesy,

"Hey Okita. My legs were stiff and needed some stretching. I also need a massage!" Hijikata declared too deliberately in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.

There lay Okita on his side, head propped up on one hand, with a great big grin on his face. Okita had obviously sensed Hijikata pacing outside his room and had been waiting for him to make his entrance.

_Busted..._Hijikata thought and flushed a shade of red. "Ah-h! Wipe that grin of your face!" he snapped as he strutted over to Okita's side. Okita continued grinning from ear to ear, amused that the usually stern Vice-Commander was showing such self-consciousness.

Kneeling behind the taller man, Okita proceeded to work on his stiff shoulders, kneading mechanically as if it were built in his system to do so. Gently, he loosened Hijikata's kimono to obtain more contact with his shoulder muscles to achieve greater effect. However, the only effect was not only on his shoulders but somewhere else heated up as well. Somewhere lower.

To prevent his thoughts from running wild, Hijikata distracted himself by drawing out the small packet of assorted candies and waved it in front of Okita's face over his shoulder.

"In the morning, I- I was taking a walk down the streets this morning and I- a kid begged me to buy it. You know I don't fancy sweet stuff and erm, yeah! So there! You can have it!" Hijikata explained incoherently.

Okita looked at the packet of candies and recognised immediately that it was no courtesy purchase from any random kids along the streets but they were from his favourite candy stall. His face blushed pink and he wrapped his arms around his beloved, resting his chin upon the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent. Hijikata sucked in a deep breath, taken aback by Okita's response.

He had already been feeling it and now with this bit of invitation, Hijikata's self-control was nearing his limit. Turning to face Okita, Hijikata pulled the younger, frailer man into his arms, pulling him to lie on his lap. He looked at his lovely face, stared deeply into his eyes and saw the same burning desire he had for the other. _Why did I wait so long to realise how much I love him? This perfect being..._Hijikata stroked his face, shifted a tuft of hair behind his ears. "Souji..."

Okita tried to raise himself, hand reaching out to Hijikata's face. There was an air of serenity around him, as if time had slowed down and a fraction of a second was a minute. Hijikata clutched his hand tightly and leaned in for a kiss. The first was a brief contact of lips but that was hardly enough. They locked their lips once more in a deeper kiss, a kiss more passionate than the first, a kiss which entailed more tongues. As those tongues entwined, hands scanned frantically over the other's body as if searching for the right place to rest. Hijikata shifted and positioned himself over Okita and breathed into his ear,

"Souji... I love you"

He felt Okita draw in a deep breath of air as he said that. Right now, Okita had an expression of bliss. It was the first time Hijikata had said those three words outright. Pools of tears welled up in his eyes and this killed Hijikata.

_Isn't this something only the girls can do?_Hijikata thought quietly as he felt his heart clenching up. He proceeded to unrobe his lover, exposing his bear chest, caressing the pale, satin-like skin under the moonlight.

The next morning was like spring all over again, though it was very well right in the middle of summer already. Hijikata left Okita, who was still sleeping, to rest while he quietly slipped out of the room. He paused to look at his lovers sleeping face before he slid the doors shut.

_What an angelic face... A beautiful existence. _Hijikata thought to himself. And with an afterthought, he sniggered, "Mine..."

As he was about to move off, he felt a gaze on him from the root adjacently behind. Swiftly, he turned to look for the voyeur, but the presence had disappeared. Creases formed between his brows as he glared at the empty rooftop. They had better step up on security.

When Hijikata entered the training hall, the members scurried to act busy, training their sword skills or polishing their equipment. This was all normal, except that today, something was different. There were muffled discussions whenever he turned his back on them and even their expressions seemed different. Something was wrong. Just as he was about to demand for an explanation, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"A moment please, if you may." Saitou requested seriously.

Taking one last look at the members, Hijikata grunted and left with Saitou who had already taken off.

"What is it, Saitou?" Hijikata asked. They were in his room, which basically meant it was serious business which they couldn't risk other people eavesdropping. No one dared to come near his quarters unless he called for them. Well, except Okita, Saitou and Kondo. But he could trust these people even if he had to lay down his life for them.

Saitou didn't reply immediately. Instead, he shifted his gaze up to meet Hijikata's and took a deep breath. _This isn't like Saitou to be so hesistant, _Hijikata thought to himself. The Saitou he knew was straightforward and spoke whatever was on his mind. Since he was especially critical, more often than not, his comments were spot-on.

"Hijikata, you have been visiting Okita's room rather frequently lately, haven't you?"

Hijikata's eyes widened. He hadn't expected this conversation to be about this. He took a few moments to regain his composure and in a his usual stoic manner, while sucking in a breath from his pipe, he said,

"Yes, so what about that."

Saitou paused again at that response, once again looking troubled as if he didn't know how to continue the conversation.

"You... you shouldn't be going to his room so much anymore..." he continued, looking away.

"And why is that? I haven't announced it to the rest of the members yet but Okita and I are now a couple."

"What! You can't!" Saitout shot out.

"What? Do you have the same feelings for Okita as well? So much so you don't want me to lay hands on him?" Hijikata retaliated.

"What? That's ridiculous! The one I'm worried about is obviously you Hijikata!" Saitou blurted out in a state of fury.

Hijikata froze at that. "What do you mean..."

Saitou kept quiet and turned away. "Nothing... I'm not sure how I should tell you either... Just- forget it, for now..."

Hijikata was concerned yet unsure if he wanted to know, but still he said, "Hey! If there's something I should know, tell me!"

Saitou looked at him painfully for a moment and turned away once again, unable to face him. "No, it's nothing. Sorry for taking up your time" and with that, he promptly escaped the scene.

_I just can't do it. I can't bring myself to reveal it...even though this can't continue. But, how can I?_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Hijikata couldn't sleep that night. The conversation with Saitou earlier that day was weighing on his mind. What could he possibly have meant?

_"What? Do you have the same feelings for Okita as well? So much so you don't want me to lay hands on him?" Hijikata retaliated._

_"What? That's ridiculous! The one I'm worried about is obviously you Hijikata!" Saitou blurted out in a state of fury._

Hijikata stared at the ceiling as he pondered for hours.

_Could it be that Saitou indeed had taken a liking for Souji but was trying to cover it up? No... He wouldn't make excuses like that. Saitou wasn't that kind of person._

_Or perhaps, he was worried that if I had a relationship with Souji I'd be obsessed with the whole situation and neglect my work? Well, that may be possible since when it comes to Souji I seem to lose all my logic and reasoning... But why did he say that the one he was worried about was me? Why did he seem so hesistant and kept avoiding eye contact with me? _

_No way! Could it be that he..._

Hijikata shook his head really hard, trying to get that thought out of his mind.

_There's no way that's possible. Even if it were true, I'd never betray Souji! Not when I'd finally gotten him. After all that, I'm not going to throw away my feelings for him._

Not being able control his anxiety, he got up and left for his lover's room.

_There he is, my precious Souji. The one who understands me the most. The one I cannot live without. _Hijikata's passion overflowed as he drew the sliding doors open and saw Okita combing his long, black hair which resembled silk-like threads in the moonlight. Okita turned around in surprise to see his beloved Vice-commander standing at the door way. Hijikata could tell that Okita assumed that he wasn't coming tonight and was about to turn in.

But Hijikata needed to see him. He needed to look at Okita's face, feel the touch of his skin, taste the sweetest of his lips. He needed to be with Okita to reassure himself that everything would be alright. Almost as if Okita could read his mind, he gently placed a hand against Hijikata's cheek, tilted his head and looked at him softly, as if to say "What's wrong?" Hijikata love how Okita does this. How he always knew what he needed without him having to say it outright. Hijikata pulled him closer into an embrace. He breathed in Okita's scent, the scent he loved so much. He felt his warmth, the warmth which seem to comfort his entire being. He heard his soft breathing, so consistent and calm, like the waves of the sea, bringing him tranquility. Just being here with Okita seemed to rid him of all his worries.

"What would I do without you?" Hijikata whispered.

Okita pulled away to look at Hijikata's face. Hijikata blushed a little as the smaller man studied his face, traced the outline of his jaw, nose, lips and ended it with a kiss. Hijikata slid down and rest his head on his lover's lap

"Just for tonight, let me lie like that? Until I fall asleep?" Hijikata pleaded like a child to his mother.

Okita smiled and mouthed ..

It didn't take long for Hijikata to drift off to sleep, now that he was safe with Okita. He slipped into dreamland and dreamt of the past where he had spent most of his time with Okita and Kondo; the happy memories where things were still simple. He had watched Okita grow from an adolescent into the beautiful top swordsman he is today. He took pride in that he was part of Okita's growth. Conversely, he felt sad that he had to watch Okita's once innocent expressions turn to that clouded with anger and vengeance. That would probably be something that he would not be able to forgive himself.

As he was thinking about that, he saw the young Okita before him, waving at him, beckoning for him to follow. He chased after the young Okita for quite awhile, going through various places, from the riverside at their hometown, to the streets that there were so familiar with and even to their current quarters. As unfathomable as dreams are, Hijikata found himself in a garden layered with mist, which was weird as it was supposed to be summer. He searched around for the little Okita who had disappeared from his sight. Instead of the young Okita, the man he knew now, the one he held close for the past few nights, emerged from behind a tree.

"Souji..." Hijikata called out as he proceeded to close the gap between them. However, Okita took a step back and gestured for him to stay where he was.

"Hijikata, it's enough already. You need to move on." Tears welled up in his eyes as Okita softly told him. His expression was one that was heartbroken and sorrowful.

"What? I don't understand! Souji, what are you saying?" Hijikata shouted as he reached out for Okita who faded a way with a painful smile.

Hijikata's eyes shot wide open as he awoke from the dream, an arm outstretched.

"Souji!" Hijikata shouted as he looked around but there was no one. He frantically got up and searched every corner of the room before flying out to the corridors, calling out his lover's name. He panicked. He didn't want to lose Okita, not when they had just gotten together. He had decided that he would do his best to make Okita happy, for all the time he had left. He would make it up to him, for all the times he had rejected his confessions and advances. He was going to tell Okita that he loves him over and over again until he got bored of it.

Hijikata ran about searching, from the doujo, to the meeting hall, to the gardens, to the backyard.

"SOUJI!" Hijikata started to tear out of worry. He stood there, not knowing where else to search.

"Hijikata..." a voice called out to him.

"Souji?" Hijikata swept around in the direction of the voice. "Saitou."

Saitou stood there with a grim look on his face.

"YOU! WHAT DID YOU DO TO SOUJI! WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?" Hijikata shouted as he gripped Saitou and shook him.

"Hijikata-san, please calm down. " Saitou tried to stabilise him in vain.

"What calm down? Where is he! What did you say?" Hijikata repeated.

Saitou got agitated and shouted back, "HIJIKATA! ENOUGH! WAKE UP! STOP HIDING IN YOUR DELUSIONS! HE'S DEAD ALREADY!"

At that, Hijikata froze. "W-what?"

Saitou sighed and removed Hijikata's hands on his shoulders and placed a sword in his hands. Hijikata looked down at it, trembling. It was Okita's. _Why does Saitou have it? What is he saying? What does he mean that he's dead? Who's dead? _

"Okita's no longer around, Hijikata-san. Stop lying to yourself. I know it hurts and you regret not being true to your feelings but this cannot go on. We still have a war to fight. We cannot have our vice-commander, our pillar of strength going down like this!" Saitou continued determinedly.

"Okita... is... dead?" Hijikata asked, not understanding Saitou's words very well. "B-but... I was just with him last night!"

"Hijikata-san, it has been a year since Okita passed away from his Tuberculosis. You were the one who helped bury him at Sensouji. Thereafter, you cooped up inside your room for weeks. It was Tetsu who found you collapsed in your room when he went to check up on you. You were unconscious for three days. We were all so worried that you may just sleep forever, so when you awoke, we were really relieved. But then, you started acting strangely. It seemed as though you were in denial, like saw Okita still living among us. At first we thought that you would snap out of it after some time, and that this was due to the shock and depression from his death but it only got worse. It escalated from just talking to yourself to even acting like you were holding him, when in reality, you were facing thin air! And now you say that you're going to announce to the members that you're a couple? This is as far as it goes Hijikata! We need you to be strong in the coming war!"

Hijikata stood there in shock, no words came out of his opened mouth. Streams flowed down his face as he slowly came to terms with reality in his mind.

Indeed, his Okita has died. That faithful night, he had been with Okita in his room when he started to cough out excessive amounts of blood. With a face painted with agony, Okita had clutched onto him as he started to leave to call for help.

_"No! Hijikata, don't leave me... It's already too late. Stay with me to the end..." Okita forced out those words through the coughs._

_"No! No... Don't die! Don't leave me behind! I haven't told you my feelings!" Hijikata whimpered through his tears. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry for pushing you away all these time! But Souji! I love you! I really do!"_

_Hijikata held him tightly and embraced him. Okita felt the dampness from the tears falling upon him and with all his might, he managed a smile. _

_"I love you too..." With these last words, his body lay limp in the arms of his lover._

_"Souji! Noooo! Arghhhh!" Hijikata cried until daybreak came and Okita's body was brought to the undertakers._

"Souji... Souji... Souji!" Hijikata repeated through his sobs. His lover's face as he whispered his last words, imprinted in his mind. Losing hold of his strength and pride, he knelt on the floor weeping.

Saitou laid a comforting hand on his shoulder, and stood by him as he wept. By then, the other members had heard the commotion and had gathered at the backyard too. Although no one had said it out specifically, they all knew what was going on and felt despair as well. Not only for the forlorn and heartbroken Vice-commander, but for the loss of their talented Captain as well. In order not to agitate their Vice-commander, they were not allowed to mention anything about Okita or his death for the past year. Now that the truth was out, everyone started releasing their bereavement and started to cry as well.

For a long time, all that came from the Shinsengumi's quarters were sounds of sorrow.

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><p>Thanks for reading this fic! All that's left is just one last epilogue! Please review if you enjoyed this fic!<p> 


	5. Epilogue

Epilogue

After the truth was revealed, Hijikata picked himself up and resumed his duties as the Vice-commander. He knew that he had to lead this group to war and that their lives are in his hands. He had to focus on the coming battle. His actions were still forceful, his reprimands still strict and merciless. But that was all just a mechanical display of what he had been trained to do for years.  
>It was obvious that he was still very much affected by what had happened. After the daily routines and training session, he would retreat to his room, occasionally stopping by Okita's room and stood there silently.<p>

Within a week, they due for the final, deciding battle of the revolution. Before setting off, Hijikata gave a preparation speech to all the members of the Shinsengumi.

"I won't lie to you by saying that we would be victorious. We know very well that we are greatly outnumbered and the enemy has weapons far more advanced than ours. I will not force anyone to go on this battle if you are afraid. But I want you to remember why you joined the Shinsengumi in the first place. Now, those of you who want out, step forward."

There was silence as nobody made any movement.

"Nobody? This is your last chance." Hijikata gave a pause before continuing with more gusto. "Good! I have with me courageous and just comrades who do not flee in sight of danger and death. And that is who the Shinsengumi is! We will charge forward in face of death and guard our Lord! We will not dishonor him! Let's go!"

"Oooo!" came a valiant reply in unison.

The Shinsengumi charged out to the battlefield on their horses, undaunted by the larger crowd of the enemy's troops. Swords flung skillfullly as they dodged the bullets flying in their direction.

Amidst the confusion, Hijikata heard someone call out his name.

"Hijikata!" the voice called out. Hijikata looked in the direction of the voice and saw Okita riding towards him.

"Souji?" Hijikata replied.

_No! Hijikata! Look carefully! That's not me! _A voice rang beside his ear.

But it was too late. Before he could make a head or tail out of the situation, a bullet came flying in his direction and went through him, shattering his back. Hijikata flew off his horse from the force of the shot and lay on the ground. A hooded man came towards him sneering.

"Finally, the pillar of the Shinsengumi is down. I knew you'd fall for it if we used someone who looked like Okita Souji. He was your lover, wasn't he? So much so that you were so hung up over him even after his death. Hmph, this is the end."

The man gave him another 2 more shots before leaving to attack the other members of the Shinsengumi. In his last few moments, Hijikata stared up into the orangey purple of the sunset. His field of vision gradually blurring as he lay there gasping for air, choking on his own blood.

"I need to..." _I can't die... I need to fight!_

_Hijikata... HIjikata, just let go... It's alright now... I'm here. Let's go..._

A familiar voice spoke to him gently. He tried to focus his line of vision and saw what he had always wanted most. Okita Souji. His lover. As if all the pain had vanished, he smiled, took his hand and got up. He was glad that Okita was here for him. he would have been so lost otherwise. He gave a soft peck on his forehead and embraced him.

Hand in hand, fingers interlocking, the two walked into the sunset and disappeared.

* * *

><p>I'm sorry there are some slight inconsistencies with history but I really tried to make the time line somewhat true to history. Okita Souji did die in 1868 while Hijikata died in 1869, in June, so I guess it's still summer? Well, in any case I'm sorry if you were disappointed with this fic but it was something that I really wanted to write. Thanks for reading up to this point and I hope you enjoyed it!<p>

Please review if you can! It would make me very happy!


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